Recently I had a dream that had this specific image of my left eyeball having two little slits in them. There was a lot of blood sort of gushing out of them, not squirting out or anything. It was gushing and the blood was just cradled under my eyelid and it didn’t hurt. I walked around with all this gushy blood oozing out of these two slits in my eyeball. I don’t remember where I was when this was happening, my best guess was that I was at a concert. I have this faint image that I was and all of a sudden someone told me my eye was bleeding. I wonder what it means, because I’ve been thinking about this imagery immensely throughout my days. I read about something like this online, but basically all of them describe having bloody tears. These weren’t tears, it was just blood gushing out and staying there on my face because my eyeball had slit open. They say it’s a sign of major depression of the soul, in which the person doesn’t really feel like they’re sad at all. I’m not sure, but I sure as hell have been thinking about it a lot. Any thoughts?
You’re about to fall right over the edge—you feel it, the rush of anxiety meanders through your rotten, delirious senses—beginning in the tips of your fingers and rushing so quietly and yet so maliciously through your lanky wrists and up your shoulders it’s intoxicating and agonizing and you just want to fall and see what would happen if you free yourself and release your inner insanity, what would happen if you just let yourself fall through the infinitive time warp of your scariest day-dreams.
This in between feeling lasts several hours until you collapse and reassemble yourself back into the half-asleep, groggy consciousness of realty
Lately, listening to bright eyes and smoking cigarettes till I’m an ashtray has been more appealing than being around the regular group of people I’m with. Dealing and conversing with people is too much of a drag, and talking to myself is a sillier drag which I like doing. I’m livin’ a recluse life baby, RECLUSE RECLUSE.
Guess who got accepted to San Francisco State!?!?!?! MEEEEEEEEEEEEE I’m the happiest person right now, everything is just falling into place.
I can’t stand this. I hate a person that I’m always with. I probably don’t hate this person but this person shouldn’t be such a killjoy. Or so judgmental towards me. It’s aggravating because this person means a whole heck of a lot to me, yet I want to take a break from seeing this person.
I’m all over the place today. I don’t know how to feel or what to say and what to do. I just want to lay in bed and listen to sslyby and laura marling but then I don’t and then I want to talk but then I don’t. Today’s weird and tough.