Recently I had a dream that had this specific image of my left eyeball having two little slits in them. There was a lot of blood sort of gushing out of them, not squirting out or anything. It was gushing and the blood was just cradled under my eyelid and it didn’t hurt. I walked around with all this gushy blood oozing out of these two slits in my eyeball. I don’t remember where I was when this was happening, my best guess was that I was at a concert. I have this faint image that I was and all of a sudden someone told me my eye was bleeding. I wonder what it means, because I’ve been thinking about this imagery immensely throughout my days. I read about something like this online, but basically all of them describe having bloody tears. These weren’t tears, it was just blood gushing out and staying there on my face because my eyeball had slit open. They say it’s a sign of major depression of the soul, in which the person doesn’t really feel like they’re sad at all. I’m not sure, but I sure as hell have been thinking about it a lot. Any thoughts?
You’re about to fall right over the edge—you feel it, the rush of anxiety meanders through your rotten, delirious senses—beginning in the tips of your fingers and rushing so quietly and yet so maliciously through your lanky wrists and up your shoulders it’s intoxicating and agonizing and you just want to fall and see what would happen if you free yourself and release your inner insanity, what would happen if you just let yourself fall through the infinitive time warp of your scariest day-dreams.
This in between feeling lasts several hours until you collapse and reassemble yourself back into the half-asleep, groggy consciousness of reality.
Guess who got accepted to San Francisco State!?!?!?! MEEEEEEEEEEEEE I’m the happiest person right now, everything is just falling into place.
Last night was so great. There were so many good songs played, and so many genuine laughs and just everything was nice, mellow, and sweet. We talked about writing in our journals that consisted of describing a guy who always stared at someone’s knees while driving. Also talked about how stupid and silly I was when it came to boys and how I leave perfumed letters on napkins in their cars when I’m feeling romantic. Made fun of a guy for about 15 minutes and how creepily he sounded on the song he was singing about getting it on. Last night was also my first time ever winning something at the Taco Bell thing, I got cinnamon twists. I didn’t really win but I got to eat them. We all cuddled up in blankets at the park and watched the moon disappear out of nowhere. Talked about “the fornication of planet’s orbits” and how they were making a baby planet. It made sense last night, I promise. I sang ‘Think I Wanna Die’ by SSLYBY so loudly last night. It felt great.
I wanna go back to last night.
whenever i feel like this person isn’t giving me the attention i’d like i think of what Daniel says in the we’ve got spirit episode of freaks and geeks, “dumbest thing you can do, let a girl know how much you like her.” and then Kim says “oh is that why you’re such a bastard to me?” and he smirks and says “well you’re still around aren’t you?”
it’s just so true, and i hate it
today ruled. i did all of my errands this morning and it felt great. i’ve been watching freaks and geeks since 2 pm and i had a grilled cheese sandwich and red bull for dinner. oh and i’ve been home alone basically all day. i haven’t showered, and my hair is equivalent to a lion’s. i’m in a star wars tee and leggings. i’m just infatuated with today. best sunday ever. now i’m listening to some lykke li and drinking coffee. hope everyone had a sweet day.
So I saw this “boy” in the parking lot of Starbucks. I almost hit him as I was leaving and then I saw him and had to go back to the parking spot I was and track him down. (He was quite the looker. A little rugged but nice.) So I went inside and stood behind him in the line. He ordered funny, well he was trying to be funny. He then turned to me and apologized for taking so long and I apologized for almost hitting him and we had this whole conversation about running over people in parking lots. I then went back into my car, ripped out a blank page out of the catcher in the rye and wrote down my phone number. Signed it as “The girl who almost hit you in the parking lot. Sorry, agian.” I was gonna stick it on his car but he was already coming back so I just sat there until he came back in his car. When he got in he turned over to me and waved. I became impulsive and brave and stuff, opened my door and just handed him the paper with my number on it. We started texting, but then the news sprung up that he was 27.
Yeah, well. I wasn’t all that creeped out by his age but then I found his facebook… barf. He’s not even interesting. He was cute, but man I was proud of myself.